My 3rd Newsletter

Red Hat Lynx Newsletter
Issue # 38		February 15, 2008

Happy Valentine's Day Ladies! I hope you all had a wonderful one.

PAGE 1
About Me

There is not much new to report. The weight loss is VERY slow, but at least it's heading down. I am still waiting on a date for the bypass surgery. I should hear within the next two weeks. I am finding it difficult to do any type of exercise with all the snow we've received this winter. Spring should offer more opportunities. On a positive note, I am sleeping much better since I have been using a C-PAP machine. The Doctors tell me this MIGHT help with the weight. It is so nice to see that a lot of you are nearing your goals. Looks like this has been a positive experience for all.

PAGE 2
Laughs

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model.

I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish, and my paint job is getting a little dull, but that's not the worst of it.

My headlights are out of focus, and it's especially hard to see things up close.

My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide, and skid and bump into things even it the best of weather.

My white walls are stained with varicose veins.

It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

But here's the worst of it: Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter, either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!!!

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In Memory of

Haven't we, as a group, done wonderful?

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How come when you mix water and flour together, you get glue?..
and then you add eggs and sugar... and you get cake?

Where did the glue go ?

NEED AN ANSWER?

You know darned well where it went!

That's what makes the cake
Stick to your BUTT

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PAGE 3
Recipes

Salsa Chicken Soup

Try using medium or hot salsa in this recipe for extra zip.

SERVINGS: 6

Prep/Total Time: 30 min.

Ingredients:

	1/2 pound boneless skinless chicken breasts, cubed
	1 can (14-1/2 ounces) chicken broth
	1-3/4 cups water
	1 to 2 teaspoons chili powder
	1 cup frozen corn
	1 cup salsa
	Shredded Monterey Jack cheese or pepper Jack cheese, optional

Directions:

In a large saucepan, combine chicken, broth, water and chili powder. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat; cover and simmer for 5 minutes. Add corn; return to a boil. Reduce heat; simmer, uncovered, for 5 minutes or until chicken is no longer pink and corn is tender. Add salsa and heat through. Garnish with cheese if desired. Yield: 6 servings.

Broccoli Wild Rice Soup

SERVINGS: 8

Prep/Total Time: 30 min.

Ingredients:

	1 package (6 ounces) chicken and wild rice mix
	5 cups water
	3 cups frozen chopped broccoli, thawed
	1 medium carrot, shredded
	2 teaspoons dried minced onion
	1 can (10-3/4 ounces) condensed cream of chicken soup, undiluted
	1 package (8 ounces) Lite cream cheese, cubed
	1/4 cup slivered almonds, optional

Directions:

In a large saucepan, combine rice, contents of seasoning packet and water; bring to a boil. Reduce heat; cover and simmer for 10 minutes, stirring once. Stir in the broccoli, carrot and onion. Cover and simmer for 5 minutes. Stir in soup and cream cheese. Cook and stir until cheese is melted. Garnish with almonds if desired. Yield: about 2 quarts.

PAGE 4
Women's Health

NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN

DAMNITOL
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

EMPTYNESTROGEN
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out!

ST. MOMMA'S WORT
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

PEPTOBIMBO
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.

DUMBEROL
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

FLIPITOR
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

MENICILLIN
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person. "

BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

JACKASSPIRIN
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat

ANTI-TALKSIDENT
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

NAGAMENT
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him, without opening your mouth.

PAGE 5
Something New

This is an introduction to a website that you might find interesting and easy to use. Did you notice the tombstone in the "Laughs" section? I made it with a Tombstone Generator found on this website. Another site, found here has many different signs you can make and then save. Each sign takes only a few minutes to make. I made the following signs all at once, saved them to My Pictures, and then just inserted them on this webpage. Here are a few examples:

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I think by now, you have the idea. Click here or here (tombstone) and start making your custom signs today. It's simple and painless.

Thoughts for the Week:

	Self-esteem is not a dress size
	Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it. (Andy Rooney)

Until next time, stay healthy and fit and enjoy the rest of this Valentine's weekend!

Arline